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Belly Up To The Bar: Low Calorie Cocktails That Don’t Totally Suck
Remember when you could drink all the booze brewed, distilled and bottled, and not worry about your girlish figure? Those halcyon nights are long gone, my thirty-something friends, and rather than mourn their loss, let’s celebrate our adulthood with some temperance and better choices. It’s not that you can’t have a beer, but perhaps nine Number 9s is excessive, after all. On a sunny Sunday afternoon, after work, at a picnic, a ballgame, or on a boat, a beer is absolutely appropriate. Enjoy a few in moderation.
However, when you’re our age, every calorie counts and you may want to horde a few hundred for gorgonzola steak and grasshopper pie. Summer is coming and you want to look dashing in your swimming costumes, don’t you? Let’s see if we can’t cobble together some cocktails fit for the smart, trim set.
As we are all of above-average intelligence I need not remind you that white Russians, rum and cokes, mud slides and margaritas are sugary, fattening and high in calories. A pina colada, in fact, can contain more calories than a Big Mac. And while I would never dare to dissuade a person on a tropical island vacation from slurping a gigantic coconut full of 151 and juice and froth and maraschino cherries and a plastic sword, maybe downing five on a Friday night in March while you watch “Lost,” alone on your couch, is not the best way to pass the time. Drinking is always best in correct context. Fruity drinks are better left down in Mexico, while a glass (read: bottle) of wine is much more appropriate for solitary imbibing.
Heading our list is a refreshing beverage with an unfortunate name: The Skinny Bitch. While I object to the entire Gwynnie/Posh cult of proper, emaciated ladies, I do choose this when I feel a bit overstuffed. Maybe we should rechristen this the Tall Slim Fizz.
vodka ( flavorless, please!)
lemon/lime wedges
mineral/sparkling water/plain soda
Think Brunch! The most integral element of a long luxurious Sunday breakfast is the drinks. There is nothing better on this green earth than Champagne, which contains lithium, and makes a bad day tolerable, and a fine day sublime. Add a splash of fresh squeezed orange or grapefruit juice and you have a truly uplifting cocktail. Yes, OJ is sugary but you need the Vitamin C anyway, and grapefruit juice is oh so salubrious. Any decent sparkling white wine is an acceptable substitute, here. Spanish Cava and Italian Prosecco are lovely and even something so pedestrian as Barefoot Bubblies makes an afternoon spent in the sunshine with friends feel special.
Your other partner in crime at brunch time is the Bloody Mary. But here’s the thing: they’re not just for morning. No, sir. You can sip one of these saucy, savory bevvies at any hour. My best friend and I used to spend every summer Saturday at the Coney Island beaches, and then go back to her apartment to gear up for a night of debauchery by drinking a batch of ‘Marys and dancing around in our bikinis. They’re fortifying and intoxicating. Tomato juice is super healthy, and practically a meal in itself. Of the many conflicting legends regarding this drink’s origin, I prefer the theory that it was first mixed at Harry’s Bar in Paris, so famous for its literary expatriate clientele. Share your favorite Hemingway title while you serve up a pitcher of these.
Jillian’s Notorious Bloody Mary
Ingredients
vodka
tomato juice
Worcestershire sauce
hot sauce
horseradish
lime juice
celery
garlic stuffed olives
black pepper
Old Bay Seasoning
Method
You don’t need me to tell you how to make this, do you? A dose of this, a splash of that, garnish and repeat. One note I will give is to use a lime wedge to moisten the rim of the glass then sprinkle with a bit of Old Bay. A word on the many variations: Your sea captain friends may prefer the saltiness of a Bloody Caesar, done with Clamato; this used to be repugnant to me but now I rather enjoy the goodness of the ocean in a frosty glass. Mexiphiles might like the Bloody Maria, made with tequila, obvs. Add lots of vegetable garnish, and any way you mix it, this is a super delicious alcoholic salad that you don’t have to feel guilty about for a moment, no matter the time of day or night.
Always remember that quality trumps quantity when you’re an adult. Invest in a few good bottles and savor the simplicity of a sipping rum or a scotch served neat. Muddling mint adds flavor, without calories. Also, shots do the job fast and dirty, without the hassle of mixers. And remember, you can only get away with getting sloppy drunk at weddings and reunions once you’re over 30, so learn to consume with style. Here’s looking at you, kids.
Well said.
Also,let’s not forget that a gin and diet tonic with lime has about 70 calories. Drink on.
I too have been watching my caloric intake, but all things have to be put in perspective. After several hours of gardening and bike riding this past saturday I had many, many pints- guilt-free.
Also, a glass of red wine has the lowest glycemic index of any alcoholic beverages, and other health benefits to boot!
I second the red wine–but for me, it’s all about minimalism–having a really good sipping spirit, ideally on the rocks (unless it’s Booker’s), will minimize the caloric intake somewhat.