Dinnercraft helps bring your (and our) protracted adolescence to an end. Our authors cover topics ranging from cooking and eating, to home and garden, to crafting and DiY, and all the rest of the things you find yourself caring about these days.
In Celebration of Stouffer’s Frozen “Macaroni and Beef”
Enough tiptoeing around the issue. I’m going to come right out and say it. Stouffer’s brand Macaroni & Beef with Tomatoes is the best godamned frozen dinner you can ever eat. All right, naysayers, I hear what you’re saying, with your protests of Hungry Man XXL “Backyard BBQ,” and Kid Cuisine “Fiesta Beef Taco Dippers,” but no. You’re wrong. Stouffer’s hearty mix of tomatoes, beef, and elbow macaroni is the only acceptable thing that could ever come out of your microwave. Ready in just six and a half minutes, and weighing it at only 330 calories and 700,000 grams of sodium, this one is a delight to all the senses.
On the surface, this may look like that “American Chop Suey” made-up food that used to get ice cream-scooped onto your tray in the fourth grade. But it’s not, and I dare you to try and make it from scratch. It can’t be accomplished. “Oh, but Malcolm, you can just mix some hamburger into a box of macaroni and cheese!” To you I say, “Ha, ha, and ha, jackass.” You think I wouldn’t have tried that? It’s not the same thing, not by a long shot. I’ve looked at the attempted recipe knockoffs online. I’ve even tried buying every item on the ingredient list (except, of course, for the dextrose and cultured whey), in an effort to bulk-replicate the results found in this tiny plastic tray. But no. There is no replicating this food magic, this mix of flavors, the zip of the tomatoes, the hearty chunks of beef. I like to microwave mine a little too long, so I get a nice crust around the rim. Mix in some red pepper flakes, crack a Miller High Life, and you have got a delicious ten minutes in front of you.
So readers, I urge you. Always, always, always have at least two boxes on hand. Why two? Well, silly, if you only have one, then you will never eat it. Because if you eat it, it will be gone. And then you won’t be able to eat it. It is important to always keep a backup box in the freezer. You can even write “For Emergency Use Only” on it in black Sharpie, but that’s just me. Just get some, and know what it’s like to find bliss in a tiny red box.
Oh, I can’t agree more. And all the recipes online have carrots, potatoes, green beans, WTF??!!
I agree, it’s the BEST.
I’m going to find a way to copy it as close as possible and if I do, I’ll submit it here. I’m going to buy several “sample boxes” which will coincidently work as yummy meals too. Then taste and try to clone it – (repeat till cloned) Think of it this way, it’s a win either way!
I’m starting with the tomato sauce, onions, green peppers, tomatoe bits and of course beef then playing with spices and sugar till it comes out correctly.
Good luck, CopyQueen…and please let me know if you nail the recipe!