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Tempest in the Tap Water
Back in the day, when I was in man hunting mode, there were many attributes and characteristics that I was looking for in a husband. Most of them were contingent on appearance, ability to keep me entertained and aptitude in the sack. I realize that this makes me incredibly shallow and short on foresight, but that’s just how homey rolls.
On the night when fate intervened and hubby and I met, I was mesmerized by his blindingly white Eric Estrada teeth, twinkling baby blues, GQ attire and powerful physique. He was older, had a great voice, and was incredibly talented in mattress martial arts. I was sold.
Time slithered on.
We grew more familiar.
Then, one shocking evening, we discovered an irreconcilable difference in personal taste and preference that neither of us was willing to change or let go of.
It became a powder keg subject – one that ignited furry and provoked rage. It threatened to break up our relationship.
He found out that I like to drink tap water from the bathroom.
Tap water from the bathroom is always colder. Fresher. Sweeter. I have never met kitchen tap water that was anything other than skanky and lukewarm, and I refuse to drink it. I drag my glass up to the master bedroom, and fill my cups in the en-suite. Sweeter, icier. I cannot explain this. It just is. Even the fancy filtration unit can’t help the impostor in the kitchen.
Hubby, on the other hand, was horrified by this admission. His conviction was that it was wrong and deviant to drink water from a bathroom tap. It was dirty. Something shameful. He would scorn me as I sipped on the icy flow from the bathroom sink tap, and I would, in turn, insist that he was batshit crazy for being a kitchen faucet licker. Prejudiced. Unforgiving.
And so it went.
Me, living out my shame, enjoying my secret upstairs spigot love on the sly.
He, resenting that the mother of his future children was a perverted bathroom water consumer.
Over time, I’ve confessed my shameful preference for water that comes from the upstairs bathroom. Many others have come forward, in kinship and solidarity. They confess that they too have a predilection for bathroom tap water, and refuse to be shamed.
Yet, there are the others. The ones who perpetuate the falsehood that the kitchen tap produces better hydration. They continue to quash all efforts to reconcile love of bathroom tap sourced water with their kitchen water propaganda and mind control. It is reaching a veritable tipping point. One day, soon, this battle will boil over. We will take to the streets with squirt guns and outlawed Nalgene bottles, and fight the good fight.
All for the love of a cold glass of tap water.
When we draw a line in the linoleum, which side will you stand on?
You’ll have to draw another line somewhere. I drink water from the closest faucet, but in our house, the coldest, best water comes from the dispenser on the front of the refrigerator.
My husband is a bathroom tap water drinker too. I have to admit, I can’t drink anything but Brita water but he swears by the bathroom tap!!!
See, the water from our fridge dispenser is luke warm. It’s fine if you ice it, and that’s fine if you’re in the kitchen. This, of course, is a recent addition to our debate, as we just got the dispensing fridge in March.
I find Brita water tastes like metal. Again, obviously a personal thing, but I used a Brita pitcher for years, and was never really sold on it.
I just got home, walked through my kitchen and grabbed a glass, headed upstairs and got a cup of water. Drank it while standing at my bathroom sink, and refilled it. There really isn’t better water in my house, either.
I live in an Edwardian terraced house, built in the days before internal plumbing, so when the bathroom was added on it got stuck at the very back of the house beyond the kitchen.
The bathroom sink and kitchen sink are almost directly next to each other, aside from a dividing wall, of course. I haven’t noticed any difference in taste, texture or temperature.
I guess I’ll mediate when the battle commences…?
I admit that bathroom water is colder; dunno why. But, I can’t get beyond the “dirty” stigma of something coming from the bathroom. When we were renovating our kitchen, I was forced to use bathroom water for nine weeks. Ack, the horror of it. But alas, I didn’t die after all
I’ve actually got a Conspiracy Theory about this issue. A couple of years ago, my ex-flatmate observed that a glass of water always tastes much better when you wake up thirsty in the middle of the night than it does during the day. She came to the (logical, rational) conclusion that ‘They’ must put the good water on at night when fewer people are drinking it, and use some cheaper, plebeian alternative water in the day when demand is higher. Now, in most houses the bathroom is much closer to the bedrooms than the kitchen is (not so in my current house, actually, which has the bathroom at the back of the kitchen like Sarah’s house), so when you get up for a drink of water in the night you’re more likely to go to the bathroom. Bathroom water is clearly superior, thus explaining why water tastes better at night!
Egads, Zizzy. Your buddy was clearly onto something. Premium water is only for the vampires! *Tinfoil hat*
I heard it so many times that I can still hear it when I close my eyes.
I heard it just last week when my son said “Gram, can I have a glass of water?”
She replied:
“Go get it from the bathroom. It’s colder.”
Deeply instilled in my brain like the multiplication table from Grade 4.
No bathroom water for me, ever. Ew. However, my cats will only drink bathroom water, so make of that what you will.
I’m with you, Tia. Bathroom tap water is clearly superior. Especially upstairs bathroom tap water (at least in my house). The kitchen sink grosses me out too much to even consider drinking from that tap.
Would you mind not using the term ‘hubby’ anymore? It upsets me. I agree with you about the bathroom tap.