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Swing Low, Sweet Automated Baby Chariot
After you’ve run the baby/parenting gauntlet for a few years, not much in the way of strange and useless baby gear surprises you any more. There is gear for every possible permutation of parent, baby and lifestyle. Most of it is useless and junktastic. All of it is expensive. Needless to say, I was justifiably horrified, bothered and intrigued when I spotted this on http://www.crunchgear.com :
That, my friends, is a very expensive, high tech, self rocking baby jail crib.
Available only in the Land of the Rising Sun from a company called Suima, this wacky baby containment unit runs sleep deprived parents approximately $4000+ to own. The Suima’s claim to fame is that it is fully programmable, and has the ability to mimic the rocking action of a parent at regular intervals. Lazy Japanese parents seem to think that this robotic infant San Quentin crib is the shiz, as it allows them to escape the tedious hell of having to physically interact with their children. Having a machine that comes on every 1.8 seconds to sway your spawn so you don’t have to? Priceless.
Unbelievers and baby gear enthusiasts can get their voyeur on by watching this clip, which demonstrates how the product does what it was made to do:
Doing the Baby Jailhouse Rock in Nippon.
Wow. Can you imagine if it went on the fritz and started shaking too hard?
That is four grand I’d rather spend elsewhere, thankyouverymuch. Considering baby #4 slept in a pack-n-play stuffed in the corner of my room until she was over a year old, I obviously lose at lazy parenting. (Or is it win?)