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Just Okay Homes and Gardens
The following are the top five most useful excuses and logical reasons for escaping horrible, horrible housework.
1. Leave things to “soak.” Not only does this get you out of scrubbing stubborn burnt-on food, it’s also a legitimate way to clean something. Score! Bonus points if you manage to leave it “soaking” for more than a week.
2. Incorporating a long, complicated chain of if-then scenarios into your cleaning in a way that prevents you from getting most, if not all, housework done. For example, we are (still) redecorating our bathroom. It also needs a good clean and sort-out. I really can’t get it cleaned until the painting is done, and I really can’t get the painting done until the borders are finished. I can’t do the borders until the tiles are scraped, and I also need to locate a low-tack masking tape that won’t peel three layers of paint off the walls when it’s pulled off the wall (sigh). You see why I couldn’t possibly get round to cleaning the bath or the sink, right? Exactly.
3. Destructive children. There is really no point in folding a mountain of clean laundry if your toddler is going to pull it all on top of herself and squeal with glee. However, this is a catch-all excuse, and while accurate, you don’t get many points for creativity.
4. Substandard equipment. I don’t iron clothes very often, and it’s mostly because I’m lazy. But also? Our ironing board is very old and no longer straight. For some reason, it is covered in hills and valleys, making it frustrating to iron anything. It sits there in the cupboard, silently accusing me with its well-pressed stare, but I’m adept at ignoring it. Which brings us to number five…
5. “I didn’t notice it!” This is my husband’s favorite, and it’s a real doozy. Sometimes he can get away with allowing destruction and mayhem to occur mere feet away from him, but because he was watching tv, he gets a pass on being responsible for the resulting mess. Nothing beats my friend’s husband, though, whose daughter got into the makeup bag and anointed her entire body with mascara while sitting in her daddy’s lap. He was watching Star Wars at the time, so of course he felt he should have been absolved of all responsibility.
There you have it. A short but useful list of time-honoured methods in escaping any and all housework or chores. Please feel free to add to the list. I’m always on the look-out for more ways to procrastinate. Even now, instead of making dinner, I’m waiting for the meat to defrost. Another hour of time sucking internet surfing, here I come!
Sarah, I love your ideas for putting off housekeeping. I must keep some of these in mind.
Keeping house is futile with children around. Or a husband, for that matter. I whole heartedly agree with your ideas.
One of my favorites is “If the dryer is tumbling, then technically I am doing laundry.” And surfing the internet. I win at multitasking.
Number 4 is my favorite cop-out. “I didn’t finish X because my Y was broken/lent out/on back order/too small/too big/too old.” Also, neither Rick nor I have ever witnessed the mayham or destruction that occurs in first person. The house is always magically thrashed while we turned our back to go to the bathroom, or pick up a ringing phone or sit on the internet…..
I like the distracted by disaster excuse. I got the dishwasher half unloaded and then Sarah spilled her milk. That was half cleaned up and I realized the bathroom door was open and Daniel was playing with the soap. That was half cleaned and I heard Alex yelling at the twins for throwing all his stuff on the floor to jump on his bed. They were scolded and consoled and him half helped when I hear a thud in the toy room that usually means one of the shelves got knocked over. That was part cleaned up when I glance in the laundry room and realize the peed on rug and twin clothes that got half taken care of yesterday are fermenting on the floor in front of the washer. I throw those in the washer and start it and then I go in the living room and put in a movie and sit down at the computer with a vague feeling that there is something I should be doing. And my husband wonders why we watch so many movies!
If I can sub in a cat who sleeps on any clean clothes she finds for a toddler ruining laundry, then I think I’ve used all of those at one time or another. Great list!
Amber, I am often distracted by disaster. Great excuse!
I like the ‘distracted by disaster’ claim. I could use that, but the truth is I’m just distracted by anything I want to do more than housework. (so, everything)
I spent hours organizing my son’s room the other day, only to have my daughter pour a bucket of water into his nice new bin of books. So my favorite method of procrastination is #3…why bother when it all gets undone in much less time…