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Why I Hate the “Mommy Olympics”
Raise your hand if you can point out the five year old who was breastfed/co-slept/”worn” as opposed to the five year old who was born by c-section/bottlefed/slept alone from birth.
Anyone? Anyone? Yeah, I thought not.
So many people think that these early months and years have a bearing on the REST OF THE CHILD’S LIFE!!11!!! Sure, the early years are important, but your style of parenting needs to be taken in the long view.
One of the cool things about having three kids is that I can conduct at-home experiments. I am a different sort of parent now than I was four and a half years ago, and all three of my kids have experienced different parenting choices: co-sleeping and not, cloth diapering and not, solids at four months and not, etc. They are all happy and healthy kids, and I don’t think anyone would be able to figure out who got what sort of treatment during infancy.
I hate seeing anyone doubt themselves over valid parenting choices that result in happy children. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. We need to have the long view when raising our children, and even though the early years are intense, they are short lived.
So any of you out there who are experiencing pressure from friends, frenemies, families or in-laws who may view your parenting choices as weird or just plain “wrong,” take note: YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. We all make mistakes, but on the whole, I have great faith that our efforts are going to pay off. Just take one day at a time.
And, if you’ve succeeded in avoiding the Mommy Olympics, beware the trap that awaits you in 20 years’ time: The Grandma Wars. Are you more grandmotherly than your daughter’s/son’s inlaws? Let the games begin!
Not all of us can be Mommy Olympics champions, Sarah. Many are called, few are chosen. I find it’s the stuff that keeps me on my toes, pushing me onward to up the ante. I’m only bothered when my MOTHER wants to compete against me. “My kids were SO brilliant, they READ the entire Koran in Arabic at 2.5! They taught themselves Arabic, even. What’s wrong with your mouth breathers?” Um, Mom? I’m that kid. Are you pitting me against my own children?
Ahh yes, the Mommy Olympics. The scenario plays out over and over once you give birth and know anyone else that has ever given birth. The worst competitor can often be one’s own Mother. “Well YOU were potty trained, walking, speaking complete sentences AND eating ribs at 9 months old!” or even “When you were a baby there weren’t disposable diapers. It was cloth or nothing!” Yeah mom, thanks. You make me feel great about my parenting skills and choices.
HA! Tia and I were posting at the same time. We obviously have the same breed of mother.
Having survived the Mommy wars with two “children” of 21 and 24, I just have to give some encouragement to parents of young children. My Mom tried the “but you were all potty trained by 18 months” crap on me too. Then she tried to tell me I should train my son to not need a diaper at night. Ummm – he’s asleep, right??? Anyway, you too will survive. Either smile and nod and ignore the rest, or give it back to them – your choice. And before you know it, you will be having intelligent adult conversations with some amazingly wonderful people that you helped raise.
And now I know my daughter pays far too much attention…she knows all too well that in our family, the “Grandma Wars” have begun. I’m winning, of course. Thanks, Sarah. You are my favourite daughter, you know – mum