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Fast Food at High Speeds in Hot Climates or Long Days Journey Into Fat
Every good American knows, deep in the recesses of our fatty happy hearts, that fast food is only really appropriate if you are on the open road. Though I’m not sure the half hour drive from Merida to Chelem counts as a road trip, we were traveling at high speeds listening to Sir Mix a Lot and Young MC. My feet were bare and kicked up and we were high on the comingling aromas of salt, fat and ketchup.
I usually go sencillo for breakfast - that means “meatless” in Mexican - it also means I get the child’s toy. Not today. This morning at the aiport, where we went specifically, for no reason other than sloth and depravity, I knowingly ordered the sausage, egg and cheese croissan’wich and accidentally got the double. Double what? Double up egg, cheese, and oh yeah, there was bacon ON TOP of the sausage patty, affixed by a slick of cheese. It was excessive, it was exorbitant, it was gluttony wrapped in a heart attack with a side of tater tots. And it was glorious.
I unfolded its neat little paper jacket and orange gooey clung to her folds. The crude croissant could not contain the buxom butter yellow of the fluffy egg. It spilleth over. I knew I would find one sweet meat inside the tender layers but I was flummoxed and somewhat aghast to discover there was also bacon on board. More and more and more porky strips I unearthed the deeper I penetrated her secrets.
To paraphrase Robert Pinsky, translating Dante, Midway on our journey, I found myself/In dark woods, the right road lost. I laid down my precious sandwich in the white hot glare of the dashboard, a rookie mistake, and almost could not finish what I had started. But with strength derived from Jesus* and my husband sitting next to me, I bravely perservered, casting off sausage, and discarding the unsolicited bacon, I soldiered through what remained with courage, wit and dare I say it, not a little heart.
Today, cooking may have failed. But America and Jillian Bedell have prevailed.
* our dentist, a really nice guy.
OMG, you’ve totally got to see “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.”