Dinnercraft helps bring your (and our) protracted adolescence to an end. Our authors cover topics ranging from cooking and eating, to home and garden, to crafting and DiY, and all the rest of the things you find yourself caring about these days.
There is a Balm in Liverpool
You know that scene in The Dark Crystal when the Skeksi has drunk of the extracted Podling essence and his wrinkled skin becomes taut and his youth appears to have been restored – but only, as it turns out, for a fleeting moment? I am pleased to say that yesterday I experienced this evanescent joy without having to zombify a happy, musical muppet.
We do have access to a few luxuries way down here in Mexico. Liverpool is an oasis of cool, expensive reason. Liverpool is like a department store your grandmother took you to twenty-five years ago, with a carpeted lunch counter, helpful girls in matching scarves and skirt suits, and a colorful macaw for sale. It’s like the Wash and Brush Up Co meets the staff at Daddy Warbucks’ mansion and you’re all, “I think I’m gonna like it here…” and do a little jazz square as you are ushered toward the Chanel counter.
Right after someone suggested that I dye my eyes to match my gown, I discovered a heaven so at hand I had to scramble to assemble an eschatological mythology. I cannot even utter its name. This moisturizer is inky white, and likely a compound rendered from that chunky stuff that comes out of a baby’s mouth, combined with an entire cumulus cloud and just a soupcon of Philadelphia cream cheese. It’s divine.
I applied a pearl-sized dollop to my aching forehead and instantly looked 14 years old. I wore a red velvet halter dress to the Homecoming Dance; I was reading Welcome to the Monkey House for the first time; I had a terrible fight with my mother and called her “a witch with a b”; to wit, I was young again. But, much like that cruel and ugly Skeksi, I watched in horror as the lines and imperfections returned before my eyes.
While the members of that wicked, fractured race determine that they need a Gelfing, who pack like a thousand times more rejuvenating power than a mere Podling, to gaze directly into the all-powerful crystal in order to unwillingly offer up what is essentially her soul, all I need is a small jar of lotion and I will surely find a husband become emperor never be unhappy ever again have a healthier attitude about my appearance and therefore present a more confident self to the world. Pretty please.
NB: I have not been compensated for this endorsement but would not opposed to such an arrangement in the future, though I do wonder if Chanel users and Dark Crystal fans have much demographic overlap other than me.
