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This is Why You’re Married: Matrimonial Quesadilla
On Friday I entertained the idea of a quesadilla so senselessly decadent and lowbrow it would only occur to those who are either totally stoned or happily married. I could think of ten thousand other combinations that might taste better, that might engender the sublime melding of various umami flavors and sensuous ingredients. But it was this iteration of jack cheese, CheezeIts and garlicbutter that was revealed to me whilst writing last week; what began as an offhand remark, an imaginary example of food for blissful, Rubenesque newlyweds, I am going to now bring to the light.
To the cheese drawer! (Notes from inside the cheese drawer: no jack…hunk of moist panela, half ball of fresh mozzarella, unidentified cheddar bits in a Ziplock…aha, Oaxaca! It’s more or less like jack in that it is mild, it melts, and so on.) Now we head into the pantry to find the box of CheezeIts that was muled from America that contains a few unbroken squares and burnt orange crumbs. And finally I shall delicately mince garlic to fold into softened, unsalted butter.
I will coat both sides of the top tortilla with the garlic butter blend, set aside. On the griddle goes the bottom layer, a flour tortilla smothered in shredded Oaxaca, to act as adhesive. Oaxaca is a pleasing cheese because a) it unwounds like an edible yarn; b) it’s fun to pronouce [wuh-ha'-kuh]; and c) its unparalleled fundido qualities. Now we are faced with the Sophian dilemma of crushing the crackers or leaving them whole. Decision made: I’m gonna smash em so they stretch the powdery remains then sprinkle atop the cheese. This will serve to provide color, crunch and stability, a lower mantle if you will. We then proceed with the topper, the glossy, garlicky tortilla.
I cover the entire construction with a pot top and turn the heat on medium so the cheese gets gooey and the tortilla browns. It must be gingerly flipped and the heat turned to low so that the garlic does not burn. Wait, maybe I should start with that side down so the garlic butter is infused throughout. Excellent idea. Do that instead. There you have it, my delicious invention. The Matrimonial Quesadilla, melty, salty, crunchy, sharp and slippery, a taste and texture for every mood, a mini meal that goes well with an ice cold Pacifico, best enjoyed with your husband, sprawled on the couch.
